When I was young, I was confident, happy and I never paid any attention to people’s appearance, let alone my own. I would wear the clothes I liked and it wouldn’t make a difference what others were wearing. Then I became friends with a girl who would change me. She would put me down, she would talk badly about me behind my back, she would make up rumours about me. You can never truly understand the ability a girl has to absolutely ruin your life until you’ve experienced it first hand. I began to feel worthless. I began to look at myself in the mirror and notice the flaws. My confidence slowly went downhill. And the hardest part – I still wanted to be her friend. Despite all the thing she’s done to me, I still wanted her to like me. At the time I wasn’t confident enough to stand up to her and tell her I was sick of her.
The year went on and it continued. Day after day, I would come home, with no desire to do anything. My grades gradually started to decline. By the time the next year had rolled around, I was absolutely miserable. She told me she didn’t want to be my friend anymore, because I’d hurt her so much. She said I had ruined her life. I couldn’t believe it. Regardless of that fact that I was rid of her nasty comments, and mean ways I would still look at myself and only see the bad things. Slowly over time, I wouldn’t raise my hand with the answers, I wouldn’t speak out in class. Even though I wasn’t being put down by her, I was still aware of what people thought of me.
After a while, I was shy, quiet, awkward and completely unhappy. I would smile with my friends and laugh at their jokes. But inside I was broken. I was so self conscious. Over the next two years, I was the same. Quiet, insecure, shy and was only truly happy when I was alone. I became angry, and would take it out on the people who were there for me the most, my family. I would get into fights. I would scream and yell. That was the only way for me to get out my anger, and looking back, it was probably the worst way to have gone about it.
Then, when grade 10 rolled around, something inside changed. Whether it was the attention I was getting from guys, or just a change in my concern for what others thought, I started to become less shy. I could chat with total strangers, I could carry on a conversation with someone regardless of gender, age or popularity. I began to feel confident in myself, and I was much, much happier. There was no epiphany, no moment of realization. Gradually over time, I just became sure of myself. I’m still in grade 10, and every day I become more and more confident. Of course I’m still awkward and uncomfortable sometimes, and I still get embarrassed. But it doesn’t haunt me for the rest of the day. I can blow it off, and move on.
I think it’s partly growing up, and realizing that people don’t really care. But for the most part, I think its been my friends and my family, being there for me, and always reassuring me that I have worth, and that I do deserve true happiness.
Monday, December 28, 2009
What we see depends mainly on what we look for
I was sitting looking at some old conversations I had with my friends on Facebook over the past year. So much has changed. Some of the people who used to be the best of friends don’t even talk anymore. Some people used to be so against drinking and drugs, and are now right into them. Some people I’m not friends with anymore, and some people I’m better friends with now than I ever used to be.
I can’t believe how crazy this year has been. Now that it’s coming to an end, it’s hitting me just how much has really changed.
Some people I’m so thankful to still have in my life, and some people I’m sad are gone. There have been some really hard times and some really good times.
Reading the conversations last night, I’ve realized who my true friends are, and who the people are who were never really there for me over the year. Last night opened my eyes to some things I’ve been blind to for a while.
There are a few people in particular with whom I’ve had the pleasure of spending a lot of time lately, and I know now more than ever how much they mean to me. How much they’ve been there for me and how much I could never live without them. I think if they’re reading this they’ll know who they are.
It’s been a crazy year and I have no doubts we’ll have many more crazy years ahead of us. But now that I know that these people will always be there for me, I don’t feel afraid anymore.
I can’t believe how crazy this year has been. Now that it’s coming to an end, it’s hitting me just how much has really changed.
Some people I’m so thankful to still have in my life, and some people I’m sad are gone. There have been some really hard times and some really good times.
Reading the conversations last night, I’ve realized who my true friends are, and who the people are who were never really there for me over the year. Last night opened my eyes to some things I’ve been blind to for a while.
There are a few people in particular with whom I’ve had the pleasure of spending a lot of time lately, and I know now more than ever how much they mean to me. How much they’ve been there for me and how much I could never live without them. I think if they’re reading this they’ll know who they are.
It’s been a crazy year and I have no doubts we’ll have many more crazy years ahead of us. But now that I know that these people will always be there for me, I don’t feel afraid anymore.
Wednesday, December 9, 2009
Live like there's no tomorrow.
I know right now you probably wish that the world would just slow down, and wait for you to catch up. Wait for you to understand this, and find a way of dealing with it. I know this is probably one of the hardest things you’ve ever had to do. But I also know that you are strong enough, and that you can do it. I want you do be there to see me get married. I want you to meet my husband. I want you to meet my children. I wish there was something I could say or do, to make you better, to make you realize how much more you could be doing to get better. They say Laughter is the best medicine, and I truly believe that it is. You need to smile, and be happy. Live life, because whether you like it or not, the world isn’t going to stop spinning, time is going to keep passing by and you’ll miss it. You need to live like every moment is your last, because no one lives forever. Live with no regrets. You need to understand, we’re all here for you, and we all want to see you get better. But in some ways I feel like we’ve done all we can do. Its up to you now, the balls in your court. You need to realize that whatever happens, we’ll stand behind you, we will support you, and that we love you more than anything.
No one can go back and make a new beginning, but anyone can start today and make new ending.
No one can go back and make a new beginning, but anyone can start today and make new ending.
I’d like to think that everyone has their own special place. A place they know that no one will judge them and they can really be themselves. A place they love to go to, and hate to leave. I know that my own special place is at my camp on Lake George.
If you walk down our driveway, and turn left the next four or five driveways you turn into, you will always find someone who knows you and cares about you. I really feel safe here and although I may not be technically related to all of these people, I still consider them family.
The hot summer days are my favourite, just like today. The parents sitting up on the deck with assorted snacks, watching the kids swim as they discover new rocks or come up with new games. Eventually, the kids will all come up, wrapped in towels and we can always find someone’s lap to sit on. Supper time is also fun. The plans are made, and everyone goes their separate ways. Then one by one, everyone appears with their own contribution to the meal. Once all the food is on the table, it gets pretty hectic. Everyone reaching for something, and filling up their plates. Once everyone has their food, we start to chat. There are rarely any serious conversations at the lake. Mostly laughing and remembering old times. Then, we all move to the other side of the screened in porch, when someone will go out and start a fire. On nights when the bugs are especially bad, the women and kids will stay in the porch, while the men usually sit around the fire. Most nights, we all try and pry ourselves a seat around the fire and we end up sitting in a tight little circle. Some of us sitting on beer coolers or on each other. After the fire has died down a little bit, marshmallows are broken out and it’s a scramble to find a good roasting stick. Some of us roast our marshmallows until they’re perfectly golden on the outside and melted on the inside while the rest of us wait for the next available roaster. The parents try and keep track of how many all their children have had and the kids always try and sneak in a few more without being noticed. Once all that’s over with, we sit back down and chat. I love it when one conversation ends and everyone just stares at the fire, not saying a word. One by one, the women head off to bed, and take their children with them. After a while it’s only the men left. I love going to sleep with the sound of them laughing. It’s very comforting.
I love my camp, but I think the thing that makes it my favourite place on earth are the people. These people have no idea how much they mean to me. I know that no matter where my life takes me and what happens, I will always have them to fall back on. They are my family and I couldn’t live without them.
If you walk down our driveway, and turn left the next four or five driveways you turn into, you will always find someone who knows you and cares about you. I really feel safe here and although I may not be technically related to all of these people, I still consider them family.
The hot summer days are my favourite, just like today. The parents sitting up on the deck with assorted snacks, watching the kids swim as they discover new rocks or come up with new games. Eventually, the kids will all come up, wrapped in towels and we can always find someone’s lap to sit on. Supper time is also fun. The plans are made, and everyone goes their separate ways. Then one by one, everyone appears with their own contribution to the meal. Once all the food is on the table, it gets pretty hectic. Everyone reaching for something, and filling up their plates. Once everyone has their food, we start to chat. There are rarely any serious conversations at the lake. Mostly laughing and remembering old times. Then, we all move to the other side of the screened in porch, when someone will go out and start a fire. On nights when the bugs are especially bad, the women and kids will stay in the porch, while the men usually sit around the fire. Most nights, we all try and pry ourselves a seat around the fire and we end up sitting in a tight little circle. Some of us sitting on beer coolers or on each other. After the fire has died down a little bit, marshmallows are broken out and it’s a scramble to find a good roasting stick. Some of us roast our marshmallows until they’re perfectly golden on the outside and melted on the inside while the rest of us wait for the next available roaster. The parents try and keep track of how many all their children have had and the kids always try and sneak in a few more without being noticed. Once all that’s over with, we sit back down and chat. I love it when one conversation ends and everyone just stares at the fire, not saying a word. One by one, the women head off to bed, and take their children with them. After a while it’s only the men left. I love going to sleep with the sound of them laughing. It’s very comforting.
I love my camp, but I think the thing that makes it my favourite place on earth are the people. These people have no idea how much they mean to me. I know that no matter where my life takes me and what happens, I will always have them to fall back on. They are my family and I couldn’t live without them.
Monday, December 7, 2009
You were once happy without him. You'll be happy again.
Please. I’m begging you. Leave her be. Give her time, time to get over you. Time to move on. That’s all she needs. I don’t think you realize how hard you’ve made this for her. Knowing someone loves you, know you love them, but knowing you can never have them is horrible.
What I hate even more is that you’re being nicer to her, than you used to be. You’re showing an intrest, you seem happy to talk to her. You’ve only ever thought of yourself throughout this relationship, how you felt, what you wanted. She was never even a factor.
Since you broke her heart, she’s been a different person. All I want if for her to be happy again. I want to have my best friend back. I miss the girl who could brighten a room with her smile, with an infectious laugh and a heart as big as anything. You’ve turned her into a shell of a person, going through the motions, making it through the day.
All I’m asking is for you to give her time. Give her the time she needs to forget about you. Let her find her happiness. I know there are things you need to do, but you have to understand, you weren’t the only person affected by that relationship. Once you’ve figured out what you need to, then see what happens. You can’t expect her to wait for you.
Just please give her heart back. Give her smile back. Give her life back.
What I hate even more is that you’re being nicer to her, than you used to be. You’re showing an intrest, you seem happy to talk to her. You’ve only ever thought of yourself throughout this relationship, how you felt, what you wanted. She was never even a factor.
Since you broke her heart, she’s been a different person. All I want if for her to be happy again. I want to have my best friend back. I miss the girl who could brighten a room with her smile, with an infectious laugh and a heart as big as anything. You’ve turned her into a shell of a person, going through the motions, making it through the day.
All I’m asking is for you to give her time. Give her the time she needs to forget about you. Let her find her happiness. I know there are things you need to do, but you have to understand, you weren’t the only person affected by that relationship. Once you’ve figured out what you need to, then see what happens. You can’t expect her to wait for you.
Just please give her heart back. Give her smile back. Give her life back.
Sunday, November 29, 2009
Every step that I take is another mistake to you.
The hardest part about being friends with you, is that I always have been, and always will be a better friend. When something happens to you that you’re excited about, I can’t stop smiling, because you’re happy. When something makes me happy, you always find a way of shooting it down, and telling me its no big deal. Its a big deal to me, isn’t that enough? It makes me happy, so shouldn’t that make you happy? When I do something great, or think I’m actually good at something, you swoop in and out-do it. You always have to be the best. When I sing, you sing louder. When I write, you write better. Life isn’t about being better then everyone else. Its about being the best you can be, and being proud of it. Its about being happy for yourself, and being happy for others. If you spend your whole life trying to be the best, by the end of your life, you probably will be the best. But I won’t be there, to share in the excitement.
I hate
I hate that you still have control over me.
I hate that I still hope you’ll talk to me, when your name pops up on msn.
I hate that I get jealous of other girls.
I hate that I get mad when people talk bad about you.
I hate that I still smile when I think about you.
I hate that you can make me sad.
I hate that you can make me happy.
I hate that none of my friends like you.
I hate that you’re the first person I want to tell, when something happens.
I hate that I still want to be with you.
I hate that you’re always on my mind.
I hate that you make me forget the bad things.
I hate that I want you to be a part of my life.
I hate that you loved me.
I hate that I loved you.
I hate that I still love you.
And I hate that I always will.
I hate that I still hope you’ll talk to me, when your name pops up on msn.
I hate that I get jealous of other girls.
I hate that I get mad when people talk bad about you.
I hate that I still smile when I think about you.
I hate that you can make me sad.
I hate that you can make me happy.
I hate that none of my friends like you.
I hate that you’re the first person I want to tell, when something happens.
I hate that I still want to be with you.
I hate that you’re always on my mind.
I hate that you make me forget the bad things.
I hate that I want you to be a part of my life.
I hate that you loved me.
I hate that I loved you.
I hate that I still love you.
And I hate that I always will.
Sunday, November 22, 2009
Questions
Ten normally unknown things about yourself :
1) When you first meet me you’ll think I’m shy, but when you get to know me you’ll find out I’m not at all.
2) I love basically all kinds of music.
3) I want to get good grades in school, to prove people wrong who think I can’t.
4) I want my family to be proud of me.
5) I’m afraid of pigeons and mascots.
6) Sleeping is one of my favourite things to do.
7) I always over analyze everything.
8) Even if I hate someone, I still want them to like me.
9) I care too much what people thing about me.
10) My sister is my best friend.
Nine ways to win your heart:
1) Make me laugh
2) Be nice to my friends and family.
3) Be honest
4) Be yourself
5)Be confident
6) Be loyal to me
7) Give me space when I need it.
8) Be comfortable enough with yourself to be vulnerable.
9) Be a good friend.
Eight people you can’t live without:
My mom
Emily
Monica
Morgan
Lindsay
Robin
Marissa
Patrick
Marc
So many more..
Seven of your favourite things to do:
Be with friends
Watch movies or TV
Listen to music
Sleep
Eat
Read
Go on the computer
Six of your favourite bands or artists:
The Beatles
Michael Jackson
Pink
Elton John
The Weakerthans
Johnny Cash
Five of your favourite movies:
The Notebook
Pulp Fiction
300
Mean Girls
Good Will Hunting
Four things that cross your mind α lot:
The future
The past
Day dreams
Things I should be doing.
Three things you want to do before you die:
Fall in love
Have kids
Go sky diving
Two songs that fit your life perfectly at the moment:
Everybody’s got a story – India Arie
Already Gone – Kelly Clarkson
One confession:
I think people think that I’m prettier then I actually am.
1) When you first meet me you’ll think I’m shy, but when you get to know me you’ll find out I’m not at all.
2) I love basically all kinds of music.
3) I want to get good grades in school, to prove people wrong who think I can’t.
4) I want my family to be proud of me.
5) I’m afraid of pigeons and mascots.
6) Sleeping is one of my favourite things to do.
7) I always over analyze everything.
8) Even if I hate someone, I still want them to like me.
9) I care too much what people thing about me.
10) My sister is my best friend.
Nine ways to win your heart:
1) Make me laugh
2) Be nice to my friends and family.
3) Be honest
4) Be yourself
5)Be confident
6) Be loyal to me
7) Give me space when I need it.
8) Be comfortable enough with yourself to be vulnerable.
9) Be a good friend.
Eight people you can’t live without:
My mom
Emily
Monica
Morgan
Lindsay
Robin
Marissa
Patrick
Marc
So many more..
Seven of your favourite things to do:
Be with friends
Watch movies or TV
Listen to music
Sleep
Eat
Read
Go on the computer
Six of your favourite bands or artists:
The Beatles
Michael Jackson
Pink
Elton John
The Weakerthans
Johnny Cash
Five of your favourite movies:
The Notebook
Pulp Fiction
300
Mean Girls
Good Will Hunting
Four things that cross your mind α lot:
The future
The past
Day dreams
Things I should be doing.
Three things you want to do before you die:
Fall in love
Have kids
Go sky diving
Two songs that fit your life perfectly at the moment:
Everybody’s got a story – India Arie
Already Gone – Kelly Clarkson
One confession:
I think people think that I’m prettier then I actually am.
Wednesday, November 18, 2009
My Life is Good :)
I recently found out about a website called lifeisg.com and I think its the most beautiful and inspiring thing I've ever read. Some of the posts actually made me cry. I saved some of my favorites, here they are.
Today, I stood up to a bully. The strength didn't come from within, it came from my friends and family. They believed in me, and gave me the power to stand up for what was right. Because of them, MLIG
Today I got to talk to my elderly weiner dog on Skype; a month ago Thursday was the day he was to be put down because he couldn't fight his sickness any longer. He made a full recovery and I am watching him eat Mini-Wheats from 200 miles away. MLIG
Mom, I love you so much and I know you are doing the best you can and it's more than I could ask for. I love you so much and because of you, MLIG
Today I was declared to be cancer free for the the first time in 6 years. MLIG
Today, a man was being mugged. He was about to get shot. I jumped infront and took the bullet. I'm released from the hospital and the man paid all my medical bills. He had two daughters. MyLifeIsG, his is more than G.
Today I Lived. MLIG
Today, I voted "Yes" on everyone's MLIG stories, because I don't think anyone should tell another person that their happiness is not adequate. OurLivesAreG!
Today, a stranger convinced me not to jump. MLIG
Today, my dad comes home from Iraq. MLIG
Today, I asked my boyfriend if he thought I was sexy after gaining the weight in the past year. He bent down on one knee and proposed to me. MLIG
I woke up this morning to hear the birds outside my window and my mother cooking breakfast downstairs. I've never cried to much in my entire life. I had been deaf since the age of 8. MLIG
Two years ago, I lost my entire left leg in a car accident. While I was in the hospital I wrote a list of everything I thought an amputation would stop me doing. Tomorrow, I start surfing lessons. MLIG
Two years ago, both my legs were destroyed as I fought 5 men to protect a girl I didn't know from being raped. Today my new best friend had to carry me up a steep hill, when I asked him "are you sure?" to which he replied "yes I am - you deserve it pal". MLIG
Yesterday, I got a phone call from my father. He's been in a coma for three months. MLIG
Last week, I was told I had a week to live, because I have brain cancer. Over the past seven days, I have: Bungee jumped, flew all the way to Disney World from New York for a day, met Johnny Depp, got to go the movie premiere of The Orphan, and found the father I never knew I had. Today, I was told that there was a surgery that I'm going to have, that will save my life. MLIG
Today, I paid for a soldier's lunch, who just returned from Iraq. She said "You didn't have to do that" and I said, "Neither did you." She started crying, and so did I. MLIG
Today, my boyfriend quit smoking. When I asked about it, he told me that he couldn't continue to smoke if it meant we couldn't grow old together. MLIG
Today, I stood up to a bully. The strength didn't come from within, it came from my friends and family. They believed in me, and gave me the power to stand up for what was right. Because of them, MLIG
Today I got to talk to my elderly weiner dog on Skype; a month ago Thursday was the day he was to be put down because he couldn't fight his sickness any longer. He made a full recovery and I am watching him eat Mini-Wheats from 200 miles away. MLIG
Mom, I love you so much and I know you are doing the best you can and it's more than I could ask for. I love you so much and because of you, MLIG
Today I was declared to be cancer free for the the first time in 6 years. MLIG
Today, a man was being mugged. He was about to get shot. I jumped infront and took the bullet. I'm released from the hospital and the man paid all my medical bills. He had two daughters. MyLifeIsG, his is more than G.
Today I Lived. MLIG
Today, I voted "Yes" on everyone's MLIG stories, because I don't think anyone should tell another person that their happiness is not adequate. OurLivesAreG!
Today, a stranger convinced me not to jump. MLIG
Today, my dad comes home from Iraq. MLIG
Today, I asked my boyfriend if he thought I was sexy after gaining the weight in the past year. He bent down on one knee and proposed to me. MLIG
I woke up this morning to hear the birds outside my window and my mother cooking breakfast downstairs. I've never cried to much in my entire life. I had been deaf since the age of 8. MLIG
Two years ago, I lost my entire left leg in a car accident. While I was in the hospital I wrote a list of everything I thought an amputation would stop me doing. Tomorrow, I start surfing lessons. MLIG
Two years ago, both my legs were destroyed as I fought 5 men to protect a girl I didn't know from being raped. Today my new best friend had to carry me up a steep hill, when I asked him "are you sure?" to which he replied "yes I am - you deserve it pal". MLIG
Yesterday, I got a phone call from my father. He's been in a coma for three months. MLIG
Last week, I was told I had a week to live, because I have brain cancer. Over the past seven days, I have: Bungee jumped, flew all the way to Disney World from New York for a day, met Johnny Depp, got to go the movie premiere of The Orphan, and found the father I never knew I had. Today, I was told that there was a surgery that I'm going to have, that will save my life. MLIG
Today, I paid for a soldier's lunch, who just returned from Iraq. She said "You didn't have to do that" and I said, "Neither did you." She started crying, and so did I. MLIG
Today, my boyfriend quit smoking. When I asked about it, he told me that he couldn't continue to smoke if it meant we couldn't grow old together. MLIG
Wednesday, October 28, 2009
Happiness is a choice you make.
"I’ve made mistakes in my life. I’ve let people take advantage of me and accepted way less then I deserve. But I’ve learned from my bad choices and even though there are some things I can never get back and people who will never be sorry, I’ll know better next time and I won’t settle for anything less then I deserve."
I think I really loved you. I really think that I did. I know that sometimes you may think that I never truly cared about you, but I know that I did. Even if those feelings weren’t love, I know there was something between us. Maybe it was just friendship, maybe more. And I know now that your problems were much more then I could have ever helped with, but I don’t doubt that I made a difference in your life. I know that having someone around who really and truly cared about you helped. It helped you know that people who care are out there, and although you may not have something like that at home, or even with your friends, I have to believe that I gave you the hope that love exists. But I can only hope. I will never know for sure. Because, as much as it kills me to say, you’ve changed into a person I don’t know. I sometimes wonder whether the real you is down there somewhere, gasping for air before you drowned him out completely. I hope you realize how great you were, before the caring, funny, sweet person I knew is gone forever. I know we have a past together neither of us will forget. But I am sorry to tell you that’s all it will ever be. I don’t think we can have a future together. As friends or more. Because you’ve hurt me more than I’ve ever been hurt before in my life. Not because you didn’t care about me but because you didn’t care about yourself. I’ve realized if you want to help someone who is ruining themselves with drugs, they need to want your help before you can even begin to help them. And I don’t believe you ever wanted my help. I don’t doubt that you loved me, but I think you felt you were in love with me because you’ve never experienced that kind of love before. And that kills me. But what kills me the most is that there is nothing I can do about it. As much as I want to help you, I just can’t do it anymore. Some may think I’m being selfish, but I just can’t watch you do that to yourself. I just can’t do it and I’m more sorry then you will ever know that this relationship is over. That our friendship is ultimately ruined because of the horrible things that you’ve been exposed to. I hope this will open your eyes to all the awful things that come from drugs. You have lost someone you loved because of them; unfortunately I doubt it’s enough. I can only hope you don’t realize the horrible truth about drugs before it’s too late. I hope you don’t forget the lessons you’ve learned from our relationship, but I wish you would forget about me. The last thing I want is to cause you more pain, but I know it will happen. You are my soul mate; I just wish you’d realized it before it was too late. You were my very best friend, and I think that maybe down the road something could have happened. I don’t doubt there was a future there. Sadly, that future will never become reality. I love you, and I will always love you. But I have to try my hardest to forget about you, because I’m done hurting. I didn’t deserve the pain you caused me and I know that now. I just hope you realize how much you are worth before it’s too late.
I think I really loved you. I really think that I did. I know that sometimes you may think that I never truly cared about you, but I know that I did. Even if those feelings weren’t love, I know there was something between us. Maybe it was just friendship, maybe more. And I know now that your problems were much more then I could have ever helped with, but I don’t doubt that I made a difference in your life. I know that having someone around who really and truly cared about you helped. It helped you know that people who care are out there, and although you may not have something like that at home, or even with your friends, I have to believe that I gave you the hope that love exists. But I can only hope. I will never know for sure. Because, as much as it kills me to say, you’ve changed into a person I don’t know. I sometimes wonder whether the real you is down there somewhere, gasping for air before you drowned him out completely. I hope you realize how great you were, before the caring, funny, sweet person I knew is gone forever. I know we have a past together neither of us will forget. But I am sorry to tell you that’s all it will ever be. I don’t think we can have a future together. As friends or more. Because you’ve hurt me more than I’ve ever been hurt before in my life. Not because you didn’t care about me but because you didn’t care about yourself. I’ve realized if you want to help someone who is ruining themselves with drugs, they need to want your help before you can even begin to help them. And I don’t believe you ever wanted my help. I don’t doubt that you loved me, but I think you felt you were in love with me because you’ve never experienced that kind of love before. And that kills me. But what kills me the most is that there is nothing I can do about it. As much as I want to help you, I just can’t do it anymore. Some may think I’m being selfish, but I just can’t watch you do that to yourself. I just can’t do it and I’m more sorry then you will ever know that this relationship is over. That our friendship is ultimately ruined because of the horrible things that you’ve been exposed to. I hope this will open your eyes to all the awful things that come from drugs. You have lost someone you loved because of them; unfortunately I doubt it’s enough. I can only hope you don’t realize the horrible truth about drugs before it’s too late. I hope you don’t forget the lessons you’ve learned from our relationship, but I wish you would forget about me. The last thing I want is to cause you more pain, but I know it will happen. You are my soul mate; I just wish you’d realized it before it was too late. You were my very best friend, and I think that maybe down the road something could have happened. I don’t doubt there was a future there. Sadly, that future will never become reality. I love you, and I will always love you. But I have to try my hardest to forget about you, because I’m done hurting. I didn’t deserve the pain you caused me and I know that now. I just hope you realize how much you are worth before it’s too late.
Sunday, March 22, 2009
25 facts
One
I love my friends and family and I would do anything for them.
Two
If you don't know me, you'll think I'm shy but when you get to know me you'll know I'm not.
Three
I only have one slipper.(that one's for you Robin xD)
Four
My camp is like my favorite place in the world cause its one of the only places I'm really myself.
Five
I love music, except classical, like scary screamo and country xD
Six
I like reading.
Seven
I really miss my old neighbourhood.
Eight
I'm really bad at saving money.
Nine
I love St. Andrews, its like one of my favorite places on the planet.
Ten
I buy tons of magazines, but hardly ever read them xD
Eleven
I'm a terrible procrastinator.
Twelve
I love to travel and I love being on airplanes xD
Thirteen
I hate it when my friends get in fights because I always feel like I have to pick a side.
Fourteen
I hate scary movies.
Fifteen
I'm afraid of mascots.
Sixteen
I wanna be an elementary school teacher when I'm older.
Seventeen
I love being spontaneous, and just making things up as I go along.
Eighteen
I hate getting in fights with people, even when I don't like them.
Nineteen
I love watching movies.
Twenty
I could lay in the sun for hours.
Twenty-one
I love red slushies.
Twenty-two
Reality shows are stupid, but I love them anyway. xD
Twenty-three
I hate sitting home on Saturday nights.
Twenty-four
I hate homework more then anything
Twenty-five
I love talking on the phone.
I love my friends and family and I would do anything for them.
Two
If you don't know me, you'll think I'm shy but when you get to know me you'll know I'm not.
Three
I only have one slipper.(that one's for you Robin xD)
Four
My camp is like my favorite place in the world cause its one of the only places I'm really myself.
Five
I love music, except classical, like scary screamo and country xD
Six
I like reading.
Seven
I really miss my old neighbourhood.
Eight
I'm really bad at saving money.
Nine
I love St. Andrews, its like one of my favorite places on the planet.
Ten
I buy tons of magazines, but hardly ever read them xD
Eleven
I'm a terrible procrastinator.
Twelve
I love to travel and I love being on airplanes xD
Thirteen
I hate it when my friends get in fights because I always feel like I have to pick a side.
Fourteen
I hate scary movies.
Fifteen
I'm afraid of mascots.
Sixteen
I wanna be an elementary school teacher when I'm older.
Seventeen
I love being spontaneous, and just making things up as I go along.
Eighteen
I hate getting in fights with people, even when I don't like them.
Nineteen
I love watching movies.
Twenty
I could lay in the sun for hours.
Twenty-one
I love red slushies.
Twenty-two
Reality shows are stupid, but I love them anyway. xD
Twenty-three
I hate sitting home on Saturday nights.
Twenty-four
I hate homework more then anything
Twenty-five
I love talking on the phone.
Wednesday, February 25, 2009
Sometimes don’t you just wish someone would hold onto you and tell you everything will be okay. Even it’s not going to be okay. You just need someone there to listen. Someone who won’t pass judgement and who won’t tell the world the things you say. Someone who cares about you and someone who you know will always be there for you. Someone you trust and someone you love. When I’m upset and I run out of the room, slam the door and lay on my bed, sometimes I want a few minutes to cool down but ultimately what I want is someone to follow me and hug me. Someone who will tell me they love me and make sure I know that I’m now alone. When I’m mad at my parents, I don’t want them to go away. When I tell them I hate them and that I want them to leave me alone, do they think I actually mean it? Do they really think I want to be alone? Weren’t they teenagers once too? Even if they come into my room and I tell them to leave me alone, they could at least let me know they’re there if I want to talk. Sometimes I feel like my parents couldn’t care less whether I’m upset or not. When I’m crying, I don’t want to be left alone. I know my parents think I want to be alone to wallow in self pity, but don’t they know me? I need reassurance. I need someone to tell me they care and they want to listen. I want my parents to know how much I need them, and how much I care about them. But I wish they could just figure it out on their own. I wish I didn’t have to tell them to care, and tell them to listen. I only wish they knew how much I love them, and how much I need them.
strawberry fields forever
Let me take you down, 'cause I'm going to Strawberry Fields.
Nothing is real and nothing to get hung about.
Strawberry Fields forever.
Living is easy with eyes closed, misunderstanding all you see.
It's getting hard to be someone but it all works out.
It doesn't matter much to me.
Let me take you down, 'cause I'm going to Strawberry Fields.
Nothing is real and nothing to get hung about.
Strawberry Fields forever.
No one I think is in my tree, I mean it must be high or low.
That is you can't you know tune in but it's all right.
That is I think it's not too bad.
Let me take you down, 'cause I'm going to Strawberry Fields.
Nothing is real and nothing to get hung about.
Strawberry Fields forever.
Always no sometimes think it's me, but you know I know when it's a dream.
I think, er No, I mean, er Yes but it's all wrong.
That is I think I disagree.
Let me take you down, 'cause I'm going to Strawberry Fields.
Nothing is real and nothing to get hung about.
Strawberry Fields forever.
Strawberry Fields forever.
Strawberry Fields forever
Nothing is real and nothing to get hung about.
Strawberry Fields forever.
Living is easy with eyes closed, misunderstanding all you see.
It's getting hard to be someone but it all works out.
It doesn't matter much to me.
Let me take you down, 'cause I'm going to Strawberry Fields.
Nothing is real and nothing to get hung about.
Strawberry Fields forever.
No one I think is in my tree, I mean it must be high or low.
That is you can't you know tune in but it's all right.
That is I think it's not too bad.
Let me take you down, 'cause I'm going to Strawberry Fields.
Nothing is real and nothing to get hung about.
Strawberry Fields forever.
Always no sometimes think it's me, but you know I know when it's a dream.
I think, er No, I mean, er Yes but it's all wrong.
That is I think I disagree.
Let me take you down, 'cause I'm going to Strawberry Fields.
Nothing is real and nothing to get hung about.
Strawberry Fields forever.
Strawberry Fields forever.
Strawberry Fields forever
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