Nanny,
There isn't a second that goes by that I'm not thinking of you. I found a voice recording the other day of everyone sitting around the campfire. It was funny and nice and then all of a sudden you spoke and it was like someone had punched me in the stomach. I still listen to it every now and then when I can manage to find the strength.
I want to scream and yell and throw things because it just wasn't fair. You were too young. You had so much life left in you until the very end. I remember going to visit you in the hospital and you were demanding Pepsi and questioning the nurses. That was the person I knew and loved so much. You weren't a little 90 year old lady who was ready to go. You were my Nanny. This wasn't supposed to happen.
I cry myself to sleep every night because I miss you so much. Every single thing that happens in my life, I want to share with you.
I expected it would have gotten easier by now but it hasn't. If anything its only gotten harder.
I'm going to the lake tomorrow for the first time since you died. I know that I'm going to go in that door expecting to be seeing you and your warm smile sitting in your favorite chair. I can't even explain this feeling. Loss and regret and pain and more than that all put together in a knot in my stomach that continues to grow every day.
I just miss you I guess. I miss you so much.
I love you and I will always love you.
There's nothing I want more than to see you again.
I will never, ever forget you, Nanny.
Rest In Peace
